My 26 years old existencial crisis

There is always a time (or more than one) which you have a minor existential crisis. The causes can be many… or it can be that there is actually no cause at all. Maybe your brain just gets bored.

But more or less each… 10 years, you find yourself questioning your surroundings.

This is my 26 years old crisis, which is about everything and about nothing really. In a way, I think it is from both seeing too much and too little.

And well, since the best way to work through a problem is analyzing on paper, I am do the usual thing, write it out and hope to get my head a little lighter afterwards.

So, the existential crisis has been there for a while already, pretty much when I started to notice how my father had… in a way, been always right about most things in life.

There is around 3 big lessons (or at least the ones I learned better, he tends to talk a lot, but I am not one to always listen): One was not to invite bad luck, this meaning, don’t get along with problematic crowds, don’t be in the middle of the night waving money.. Have a danger common sense per say.

The second lesson was that if you don’t spend your money, it will find its way to be spent for you. This one was one of the most reluctant truths which took me ages to actually accept. But yes, nothing about money has grounds of safety in it. You might save money and put it in the bank and then the bank get broke. You can put it in numeracy outside of the bank and the coin lose power. In truth, money is something that somehow, finds its way to be spent in some way. So having big savings tends to be good for you to be calm about it but not to put your whole faith in.

And well, the 3^rd lesson which it is something which I still hope not to be true is the lesson which my dad told me about “you can go as far away as you want, but your situation doesn’t change because of it”.

This one is a bit more complex than what it looks like. When I heard my father tell me this one for the first time (okay, I always had the idea about going abroad, so it probably was when I was… very young), I brushed it off. How could things always be the same? Societies are different, traditions are different, people are different. At that time I still found people fascinating as well…

And well, after running across the world, visiting many different places and meeting many people from different countries. I realized what he meant with this a bit. In root core, what he said it is truth. Because of two things: the “you” which you bring around the world, and the “people” which live in this world.

And neither of those things will ever go beyond main lines already established.

About the you, or in this case, me. One can say I changed a lot… and well, I did. I became more adaptable, polished ways of surviving, made mistakes, suffered, found things which I enjoyed doing, found things which I didn’t enjoy doing so much but I learned to enjoy. In another way, I didn’t change much, as I still react the same to things when I return (for example, although I am now used to slack off less in the house and have a better endurance regarding many types of work… I am still an air head with things).

And well, for example. I have a huge flaw in me which is my inability to lie to others. One reading this might say “ah, but that’s not a flaw”… I consider a flaw when it is a stop towards meeting your goals.

For example, basic things like enlightening your skill set in the search for a job. Only things which I am quite certain I nail I actually say I am good at. And well, rarely people do that. You need to exaggerate, embellish yourself in order to survive in any world. And I don’t and time over time I saw myself failing because of this. And this something which will forever infuriate me. Nothing good ever comes from honesty. Trust is something which people no longer give towards others, and as such, there is no place for the honest.

Okay, but I am rambling now, so, you yourself have a limit in changing, and thus why situation might not greatly change when your surroundings do.

The other part of this is the “people” which you meet.

Well, at first view, and well, more like, first year, you mostly notice that people greatly differ from what you are used to. That is because your brain is used to what you lived with your whole life, so yeah, natural reaction.

But after you cross this stage, that is the moment you notice there is a whole lot more of similarities than differences.

Well, for once, the biggest trait of human kind seems to be the low level of intelligence. I am not talking about people’s academics here, I am not doubting the ability of adaptation… But after sometime, you start noticing that there is an extreme similar pattern which has no complexity.

And this is where things get very tricky to explain, but I’ll for once try to:

In general patterns, I ended up reaching the conclusion that people either want food, social acceptance, possessions or experience.

Woah, I feel like saying sarcastically now “well duh” to myself. But what makes it sort of boring in the general society is that, no matter where you go, there is one (or more than one) out of these which someone will want. And once you find out what the person craves and the small traits of their personality, you start knowing what they are going to say, you notice the their speech patterns.

In a way, I guess more than your past and your genes, I find that what defines a person is their “wants”.

And well, people just getting utterly boring. There is no complexity beyond objectives. We breath, eat, survive, procreate… In a way, it makes me a bit sad that I find that we were more complex in ancient Greece where people actually used their brains for more than obtaining things.

Then again, they were quite clueless about everything at that time… Maybe that was our problem? When we started to discover everything we stopped questioning our own nature.

Obviously, don’t get me wrong, I assume I am also the same as all humans and end up being utterly predictable. In my case, I am driven by the “experiences” objective. As I crave for things which my brain will associate as new and my happiness is while noticing and studying every single detail of this new experience. I would probably value more the social acceptance if I didn’t get so bored on it…

So yeah, little by little, this need of mine of wanting something new and complex to explore started to see the world for what it really is. I started to feel that the world itself is a giant cage of the same which nothing new is to expect of it. And well, having nothing new to see I started to overcomplexify the questions of existence… thus why I am now in an existential crisis X_X;