Saturday, July 6, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Return home anxiety
Okay, so it has been a while since I wrote here. Which funny
enough, it is more related to not knowing what to write down first than not
having anything to write about.
Last post I might have mentioned that I would write about
cultural differences, but I came to the conclusion that that will be the
biggest tl;dr I’ll ever write about, since there is just so much to write about
it that I don’t even know how to start… so I decided to leave it for later when
I find the correct mindset to face the task.
Meanwhile, I would like to talk about something that
somehow, I never see it written or blogged about. However, according to my
older sister, she also has that. I came to call it my “Return home anxiety”
since I lack of a better name for it.
What is this? Well, you are outside of your country, busting
your ass (okay, this semester this hasn’t happen that much… but usually it
does), and you are counting the days to return home. Be with your family and
friends, relax…
Except that there is no relaxation part, since you have
pretty much your whole social life (AND I DON’T HAVE IT THAT MUCH) waiting for
you to return. Suddenly, you see each day which you are in your home country as
a jewl, something so precious which you must share it with someone. And you
have so many people to meet that you make appointments everyday to meet someone
different.
When you return home, your little brothers start to complain
that they never see you. So you schedule a day at home to spend time with your
family. Yet, they have lives too, and spending every second of their day with
you it’s sort of too much… However, you start feeling anxious because you are
wasting precious minutes of your time in Portugal and you aren’t sure they are
being well used.
So yeah, in summary, Return home anxiety is the anxiety
which one feels when they feel the need of giving a purpose to all the days of
your holiday. And when you don’t. You get extremely anxious about it.
The good news is, over the years, you get the hang of more
or less controlling it. Plus somehow, your friends most of the times, after 3 years
begin to get used to it. It’s somewhat odd about friends, but mine I have that
thing that even if I don’t see them/talk to them for a longgg time, somehow, I
never feel weird when I meet them again. Like, sometimes, there is some
strangeness, but it dissipates quite fast most of the time.
So I now just do plans as time goes. Like, if I feel like
it, I schedule to meet people. If not, I chill at home. But yeah, there is
always the priority which is, making sure I see my family (which means both my
father and mother side) enough during the holidays (and not too much that I
want to kill someone xD).
But yeah, have no idea if this is just a me and my sister
thing or if there is more people (then again, most people I know just go for 1
semester or a year… they don’t have 4 years ahead of short holidays).
But anyway, this is my comment about holiday returns. The
worst ones are also the x-mas ones. Since the holiday is already traumatic
enough without the time issue.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
North vs South - Weather and small look on cultural shock
So, yesterday I had a small moment of weakness over something little. Which got me to rant about a lot of things, including the Netherlands type of encounters.
Which reminded me that sometimes you need to repeat a little about one of the constant lessons I learn when outside, the cultural shock.
You might be wondering why it is something I say it's a constant lesson. Because, although for most people might seem like something that comes and go, cultural shock it's something you live through as long as you stay in the outside. In my case, I started to have it quite delayed, since it only hit me hard on the second year.
So, I am not going to bother in explaining what cultural shock is. What I am going to do is explain how it can affect you, how I feel it most of the time, and the difference when feeling it in a big city and a small city.
Well, but first, let's talk about the weather.
I come from Portugal, which, although it doesn't have the most awesome weather ever (it rains a lot more in Portugal than in the place where I am at), makes you somewhat used to having warmer temperatures but more humidity. When I am here, I often find myself missing small things, for example, not going out and have my eyes cry and my bones freeze up in the 2 degrees dry weather and wind.
Another thing, which I thought I would never miss, is the feeling of after getting all wet from the rain get into a public transport and warm up, while observing everyone all wet and feeling their bones coming back to life slowly... This is a very slow progress, since it is not like the bus has such a high heater (actually, I think it is probably mostly the human heat really).
In here, unless you are either dutch or have a job... the transports end up being a privilege which you can't really get in, instead, you bicycle everywhere you need. Which ends up giving a very VERY different feeling on your bones than what you get on the ritual I previously described.
For one thing, they might not have so much rain, but they definitely have wind. So when you actually manage to pull yourself out of the bed, you realize that you just woke up to fight against mother nature in it's bad days.
Might not sound much, but imagine having to pull all your will to get out on a snowy day for example. So, you place yourself in your bycicle, zip your coat, and start pedaling.
The wind comes, making your pedaling hard and your legs to feel tired, yet, you can't not do it, because otherwise you will take ages to get to school. So you force your limbs to carry on, despite feeling like a snail could overpass you.
While you are doing this, you are also making the wind blow harder on your face and knees (because these always end up uncovered during bike rides), which get's you to feel like an old lady with your joins hurting from the cold and...
Wait, you are crying.
Yes, your eyes start to tear up because you have negative temperatures shooting inside your eyes. It is painful, as the more they tear up and you blink, you feel a sudden relief and a quick return to that unpleasant state.
Now about what you feel like it is missing from the first picture I painted you. While among portuguese, you would probably see a bunch of people complaining, people unprepared, someone laughing on shops about you going snail velocity... In here they just don't really do it. Common day to day life it's not a motive for facial expression, or teasing commentary towards strangers. Because the dutchies reserve those emotions and feelings for those they care, while we mostly just have them and express them.
So, this will line up for the second topic, but before I leave the weather topic, I can say that when the weather maintains under 10 degrees for many periods, one can expect to get REALLY gloomy and pessimist. I don't even question this anymore, I just accept that if the weather suddenly goes from 10 degrees to 0 I'll just be super gloomy and be assaulted by missing home feelings.
Now that I got the weather issues cleared up, let's talk about the cultural shock.
First, let's also say that I experienced being abroad in a big city for a couple of months. And although I experienced some down times, it never gets as bad as in a village (also because this is a north country and I was in the South of France).
The main reason I think between the differences is that I would always have somewhere to go in a big city. No matter how idiotic it was, I could just go to the comic store search for new manga titles to download at home.
I could dress up for it, place some make up, get ready to feel like a movie star as I practiced sight seeing and getting lost in the city (I was in France also, so it helped).
This has a hard time happening when you are in a small town.
At first, let's face it, you take around 1 hour to do the complete tour. And the netherlands, although it has it's own charms, it doesn't really let your imagination flow about being somewhere glamorous or seeing beauty around you. Much less in a city where you just see in 1 hour while your eyes tear with the cold.
For excuses to go out, you hardly have them. Most of the time when I go out it means I ran out of supplies and need to go to the supermarket. But if it is to window shopping, try to find new things in the narrow streets... yeah, you won't get anything that exciting.
So, you have two options, either spend a lot of time and money going to a real city (which you just don't because your family hard sweated money is with you and you don't want to spend it in something you are unsure you will enjoy), or bike half an hour against the wind to the nearest slightly bigger city, middelburg. Which although it has more variety, again, it will hardly have the prettyness which your eyes desperately seek, and there is no way you find motivation for getting yourself pretty to face 30 minutes ride which you will be tearing up because of the wind.
Although it might not appear, I already started to unconsciously describe the culture shock, as I already said that my eyes are seeking for beauty. The villages here are considered pretty for many people, it just doesn't feel like in my eyes as it is a colored, unfamiliar standard of beauty. Which is enforced into my eyes, which miss the whiteness in the streets, the light, and the small sculptures on the buildings.
I come to dislike the buildings and streets, not because of what they are, but because of what they aren't.
Which is precisely what the cultural shock is.
Since cultural shock is quite a broad topic, I'll just let it end this here. I'll come back to it later on another day which I'll also describe the feelings I get from the different cons.
Which reminded me that sometimes you need to repeat a little about one of the constant lessons I learn when outside, the cultural shock.
You might be wondering why it is something I say it's a constant lesson. Because, although for most people might seem like something that comes and go, cultural shock it's something you live through as long as you stay in the outside. In my case, I started to have it quite delayed, since it only hit me hard on the second year.
So, I am not going to bother in explaining what cultural shock is. What I am going to do is explain how it can affect you, how I feel it most of the time, and the difference when feeling it in a big city and a small city.
Well, but first, let's talk about the weather.
I come from Portugal, which, although it doesn't have the most awesome weather ever (it rains a lot more in Portugal than in the place where I am at), makes you somewhat used to having warmer temperatures but more humidity. When I am here, I often find myself missing small things, for example, not going out and have my eyes cry and my bones freeze up in the 2 degrees dry weather and wind.
Another thing, which I thought I would never miss, is the feeling of after getting all wet from the rain get into a public transport and warm up, while observing everyone all wet and feeling their bones coming back to life slowly... This is a very slow progress, since it is not like the bus has such a high heater (actually, I think it is probably mostly the human heat really).
In here, unless you are either dutch or have a job... the transports end up being a privilege which you can't really get in, instead, you bicycle everywhere you need. Which ends up giving a very VERY different feeling on your bones than what you get on the ritual I previously described.
For one thing, they might not have so much rain, but they definitely have wind. So when you actually manage to pull yourself out of the bed, you realize that you just woke up to fight against mother nature in it's bad days.
Might not sound much, but imagine having to pull all your will to get out on a snowy day for example. So, you place yourself in your bycicle, zip your coat, and start pedaling.
The wind comes, making your pedaling hard and your legs to feel tired, yet, you can't not do it, because otherwise you will take ages to get to school. So you force your limbs to carry on, despite feeling like a snail could overpass you.
While you are doing this, you are also making the wind blow harder on your face and knees (because these always end up uncovered during bike rides), which get's you to feel like an old lady with your joins hurting from the cold and...
Wait, you are crying.
Yes, your eyes start to tear up because you have negative temperatures shooting inside your eyes. It is painful, as the more they tear up and you blink, you feel a sudden relief and a quick return to that unpleasant state.
Now about what you feel like it is missing from the first picture I painted you. While among portuguese, you would probably see a bunch of people complaining, people unprepared, someone laughing on shops about you going snail velocity... In here they just don't really do it. Common day to day life it's not a motive for facial expression, or teasing commentary towards strangers. Because the dutchies reserve those emotions and feelings for those they care, while we mostly just have them and express them.
So, this will line up for the second topic, but before I leave the weather topic, I can say that when the weather maintains under 10 degrees for many periods, one can expect to get REALLY gloomy and pessimist. I don't even question this anymore, I just accept that if the weather suddenly goes from 10 degrees to 0 I'll just be super gloomy and be assaulted by missing home feelings.
Now that I got the weather issues cleared up, let's talk about the cultural shock.
First, let's also say that I experienced being abroad in a big city for a couple of months. And although I experienced some down times, it never gets as bad as in a village (also because this is a north country and I was in the South of France).
The main reason I think between the differences is that I would always have somewhere to go in a big city. No matter how idiotic it was, I could just go to the comic store search for new manga titles to download at home.
I could dress up for it, place some make up, get ready to feel like a movie star as I practiced sight seeing and getting lost in the city (I was in France also, so it helped).
This has a hard time happening when you are in a small town.
At first, let's face it, you take around 1 hour to do the complete tour. And the netherlands, although it has it's own charms, it doesn't really let your imagination flow about being somewhere glamorous or seeing beauty around you. Much less in a city where you just see in 1 hour while your eyes tear with the cold.
For excuses to go out, you hardly have them. Most of the time when I go out it means I ran out of supplies and need to go to the supermarket. But if it is to window shopping, try to find new things in the narrow streets... yeah, you won't get anything that exciting.
So, you have two options, either spend a lot of time and money going to a real city (which you just don't because your family hard sweated money is with you and you don't want to spend it in something you are unsure you will enjoy), or bike half an hour against the wind to the nearest slightly bigger city, middelburg. Which although it has more variety, again, it will hardly have the prettyness which your eyes desperately seek, and there is no way you find motivation for getting yourself pretty to face 30 minutes ride which you will be tearing up because of the wind.
Although it might not appear, I already started to unconsciously describe the culture shock, as I already said that my eyes are seeking for beauty. The villages here are considered pretty for many people, it just doesn't feel like in my eyes as it is a colored, unfamiliar standard of beauty. Which is enforced into my eyes, which miss the whiteness in the streets, the light, and the small sculptures on the buildings.
I come to dislike the buildings and streets, not because of what they are, but because of what they aren't.
Which is precisely what the cultural shock is.
Since cultural shock is quite a broad topic, I'll just let it end this here. I'll come back to it later on another day which I'll also describe the feelings I get from the different cons.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Testing/ Reasons - Why create a blog
Well, hello there. So, apparently after something like 7 years I am back to blogging. Funny enough, as a somewhat more or less full grown woman (okay, I was supposed to be a full grown woman at this age, but some shit happened, crisis and all, so this independence thing got a little delayed) I never expected to return to blog, as when the blogs became a fashion I thought it was more or less something that it would always be more typical of teenagers and young adults.. Oh wait, I am a young adult! I still count here xD.
Okay, all this rambling aside, in these 7 years, a lot of things changed in the world and in me. For once, my plans (but this is somewhat normal) went into a lot of turns. You discover things that you like no longer interest you as much, and then you discover things that you thought it would be boring that become more interesting... You discover that most things have a time schedule of happening and sometimes you don't really get a second chance at them. This second chance isn't related to the event itself, but how you become a different person afterwards. And if you are not the same person, the same thing very hardly can happen to you again.
Ah, but that will be for one of my life lessons posts. This is for an introduction (which I should just get on with it, but unfortunately I somewhat tend to ramble too much). So, why am I writing again and why a blog and not a tweet thing or facebook?
Well, mostly is because I decided to test one of the many advice blogs around the internet universe regarding surviving outside, which is write blogs and your feelings. Since I tend to practice these kind of things (nothing wrong with trying to improve your life away from family and your culture), I decided to do this also.
And another one, since, well, many blogs of peoples experiences outside actually helped me a lot! Before I went to where I am now studying (a small town called Vlissingen in the middle of nowhere in the netherlands) i read a blog about a girl also going to vlissingen and her experiences. It let me get a clue of somethings which I could expect!
So, one never knows, maybe a random stranger which also decides to go to the middle of nowhere will need a blog like this. Maybe I'll actually want to look backwards afterwards (okay... probably not, I am not the biggest fan of looking back to anything). And well, in any case, I did get a lot of strange life lessons out of my strange adventures and travels.
So, for starters, introductions.
I won't give my full name, well, actually I'll just go by my alias, which is Inu. I won't exactly hide my identity with all my might (who has the patience for that). But as my father usually says, why ask for trouble?
Of course, I'll actually publish this on my facebook... so this effort is probably stupid. Ah well, the hell with it. It's my blog and I do what I want? xD
So... introduction: I am portuguese, currently residing in Vlissingen while undergoing through a 4 years study. I decided to go away from my country mostly because the employment situation was sucky and the college is... well, college in portugal has that thing that, like most things in portugal, throws you into the world and either you are good at surviving with what you are given or not.
My skills/characteristics do not include: licking my teachers boots, social and party person, have a super brain which can work through subjects without needing class or teachers, good at forming connections and having a presence that won't make you get steeped on by others or immune to social bullying.
So, between getting stuck and stagnated in college and throw myself into trying things outside... well, I think you can see which was the choice I picked.
So yeah, this is the intro. Have fun.
The next posts will be shorter I think XD Some posts will be about past experiences, some will be about future experiences. Some will be about stuff which are more for geeks, some will be more about serious stuff. But yeah, expect things to be as random as me.
Also, if you are wondering about what type of geek I am. Well, I am a anime fan, japanese fan, everything which has a star on it fan (okay, 90% of things at least), and a fantasy fan. I tend to read a lot (well, used to, now I mostly hear books in audiobook format).
And since I don't feel like writing anymore. I'll finish here.
Okay, all this rambling aside, in these 7 years, a lot of things changed in the world and in me. For once, my plans (but this is somewhat normal) went into a lot of turns. You discover things that you like no longer interest you as much, and then you discover things that you thought it would be boring that become more interesting... You discover that most things have a time schedule of happening and sometimes you don't really get a second chance at them. This second chance isn't related to the event itself, but how you become a different person afterwards. And if you are not the same person, the same thing very hardly can happen to you again.
Ah, but that will be for one of my life lessons posts. This is for an introduction (which I should just get on with it, but unfortunately I somewhat tend to ramble too much). So, why am I writing again and why a blog and not a tweet thing or facebook?
Well, mostly is because I decided to test one of the many advice blogs around the internet universe regarding surviving outside, which is write blogs and your feelings. Since I tend to practice these kind of things (nothing wrong with trying to improve your life away from family and your culture), I decided to do this also.
And another one, since, well, many blogs of peoples experiences outside actually helped me a lot! Before I went to where I am now studying (a small town called Vlissingen in the middle of nowhere in the netherlands) i read a blog about a girl also going to vlissingen and her experiences. It let me get a clue of somethings which I could expect!
So, one never knows, maybe a random stranger which also decides to go to the middle of nowhere will need a blog like this. Maybe I'll actually want to look backwards afterwards (okay... probably not, I am not the biggest fan of looking back to anything). And well, in any case, I did get a lot of strange life lessons out of my strange adventures and travels.
So, for starters, introductions.
I won't give my full name, well, actually I'll just go by my alias, which is Inu. I won't exactly hide my identity with all my might (who has the patience for that). But as my father usually says, why ask for trouble?
Of course, I'll actually publish this on my facebook... so this effort is probably stupid. Ah well, the hell with it. It's my blog and I do what I want? xD
So... introduction: I am portuguese, currently residing in Vlissingen while undergoing through a 4 years study. I decided to go away from my country mostly because the employment situation was sucky and the college is... well, college in portugal has that thing that, like most things in portugal, throws you into the world and either you are good at surviving with what you are given or not.
My skills/characteristics do not include: licking my teachers boots, social and party person, have a super brain which can work through subjects without needing class or teachers, good at forming connections and having a presence that won't make you get steeped on by others or immune to social bullying.
So, between getting stuck and stagnated in college and throw myself into trying things outside... well, I think you can see which was the choice I picked.
So yeah, this is the intro. Have fun.
The next posts will be shorter I think XD Some posts will be about past experiences, some will be about future experiences. Some will be about stuff which are more for geeks, some will be more about serious stuff. But yeah, expect things to be as random as me.
Also, if you are wondering about what type of geek I am. Well, I am a anime fan, japanese fan, everything which has a star on it fan (okay, 90% of things at least), and a fantasy fan. I tend to read a lot (well, used to, now I mostly hear books in audiobook format).
And since I don't feel like writing anymore. I'll finish here.
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